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Thursday, July 15, 2010

What kind of tank are you?

There are several type of tanks out there that I would categorize in the general field of tanking. But after many experiences there are two that stick out like nasty, pulsating, infected sore thumb.

Type A

I will call this type Slappy, also known as Slapnuts. This type of tank needs Ritalin, is very energetic and always on the go. He/She is gogogogogogogogogogogogogogogogogogogogogogogogogogogogogogogogogogogogogogogogogogo and NEVER takes a break. Nor does he/she give the healer a break for mana. Pft, it's not like healers need mana or anything to keep people alive....that's crazy talk! Also, your mana using dps'ers could be struggling also with no break, but that's not Slappy's problem, now is it?

Healers, if the next words out of Slappy's mouth are "Whur my healz?" or anything remotely close to that, it's good to keep your Healer Pimphand strong. For this type, it is advised to keep a corrective device handy. I would suggest the Rolled Up Newspaper of Whoopass and Attitude Adjustment. With such fine motion across he/she's nose, it has a profound effect to keeping those gogogoer's in line and to calm the hell down.

Type B

This type is also known as Spanky. Spanky is an evolved version of Slappy. We in the WoW universe have seen an infestation of them recently, more so in the last year. These tanks act just like Slappy, but seem to not pay any attention in party at all. The other party member can give all the advice that even the Titans would understand, but ooooooh no, not Spanky. He'z/She'z gotz teh smartz. He/She don't need no stinkin advice and they are letting you know loud and clear. The worst offenders of Spanky are the ones known as Death Knights. Some Death Knights have escaped the Spankyism, but sadly, there are some who were not so lucky. These types of Spanky's seem to have no assemblance of how to properly tank. Frost Presence and in some instances Death and Decay seem to fall by the wayside and many party members cry out for the misery to end and each one fall down in a not-so-blaze of glory. Once again, Healers, keep the Healer Pimphand strong and swing mighty.

Again, I ask too much, but I hope for the best everytime I log onto one of my 4,279 alts and all I'm asking is if you have no clue what you are doing, ask or read up. There are people, like myself, who do not ridicule and try to help others. We really do exist. Don't be afraid of us. I want to see players out there who try to guide others to be better players. But most importantly, I feel some of those out there who are being asses in these randoms and even in raids are wasting more energy acting like they do than just playing and trying to make the best out of any situation.

1 comment:

  1. Funny, I've recently started leveling a DK tank myself. My main is my beloved Holy pally. Usually, I loathe DK tanks because of, well, type B.

    I try to be different, honest about lack of experience and I always do my best to tank properly. I haven't had any issues so far luckily. So far, I've only had groups that were patient with me and understanding. Tanking with a DK at level 62 isn't always easy (lack of taunt) but some groups make it worthwhile to at least try.

    In fact, I'd like to share this with you. I was running Ramparts as tank, and the Retribution pally in the party said he would like to tank instead. I'm okay with it, still being nervous after the first few pulls. A few pulls later, the healer politely asks if I would mind taking over tanking again. It made my day :-)